Hairspray Original Broadway Cast - (The legend of) Miss Baltimore crabs

Well, I brought my own "45s" so if you put 'em on, I'll show you my stuff!

Haven't you already shown us enough?

Oh my god
How times have changed
This girl's either blind
Or completely deranged
Ah, but time seemed to halt
When I was "Miss Baltimore crabs"

Childhood dreams
For me were cracked
When that damn Shirley Temple
Stole my frickin act
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won "Misse Baltimore crabs"

Those poor runner ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Not a chance!

Cause I hit the stage
Baltons ablaze
While belting high 'C's
And preparing Soufflés
But that triple somersault
Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore crabs"!

Proceed...

Are you scared we're on live?

No, I'm sure I can cope!

Well, this show isn't broadcast in...

Cinemascope!

I never drank one chocolate malt
No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore crabs"

How many sweaters do you own?

Well, I'm sure I've got plenty.
Let's see... I have three..five?..
Wait, I have twenty!

I would say 'Oy gevalt'
If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore crabs"!

A tycoon I wed
So cuddely and funny
The old fart dropped dead
But left tons of money
So I bought this station

So all of the nation could see

Baby Amber and me!

Do you dance like you dress?

Amber, there's no need to be cruel!

Would you swim in an integrated pool?

OH!

I sure would, I'm all for integration, it's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore it itsn't!
And may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough
You last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear, so short and stout
You'll never be "in"

So we're kicking you out!

You can't get past me kid
But it isn't you fault

It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore...

Crabs!"

You may go.

Um... thank you?

Gee tracy, that went well!

Hello ma'am, may I please audition?

No but you can bow and exalt!
Cause I was "Miss Baltimore...

Crabs"!
Crabs, crabs!!!
Crabs!

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