Chris conde - Growing up gay

I don't really rap about it felt no need to explain it because being gay was just a facet of what i was relating getting sober was more the boulders on my shoulders and weighed in on my lyrical writing processes back when I first came in to the scene I mean I think I'm always keeping it honest as much as anyone can especially with all this vomit of hate invading that's sprayed, raped and painted upon us I've waited and a lot of years to explain my sorry so I'm a relate a little of growing up the gay and little and finding out you don't like the same shit as they do in middle school a kid confused about liking dudes hoping it's not true what will I do if I'm accused yo maybe it's all cool Will & Grace is on TV so maybe it's all good but why do I feel like God hates me if it is all good it's fucking weird I think I'm queer so maybe beer is the answer and the more that I drink the more I think I'm less of a cancer what kind of 12-year-old thinks that I think back and I'm grateful I didn't lean back on that railing in Turkey and succumb to the lurking thoughts of suicide and self hurting I'm glad I'm not burdened by my internalized homophobic unworthiness lift my skinny fists to the heavens like I don't deserve this shit like god I don't deserve this shit I'd rather drown, be buried alive and never heard from again yo

It took a long time for us to get here so
You will recognize all that we have been through

A couple years later I'm trying to find a savior someone to rescue him from all of my depression despair and anxiety so one night I find myself inviting a higher being into my life and then finally I feel peace for the first time I don't think for the first time in a long time about being deceased in the worst kinds of ways but in the back of my mind I know I decided to deny my inner self that I'm gay but if I pray real hard they say these feelings will fade that my attraction to men will all be taken away but I never noticed a change and I spent those next years a slave to it dogma that caused a lot of empty bottles and veins filled painkillers insane feelings of shame I hate feeling like I just plain hate feeling So I drank snorted shot smoked stared at the ceiling slowly falling into a void of oblivion a little bit of back and forth and a couple little slips I decided it was time for a life I could live It was time for a switch for a flip in the script with the flick of a switch caught a glimpse of a kid underneath all this shit I believe I'm a gift I believe I can live yea I'm waving a flag with a rainbow on it and I'm taking no shit Orlando 2016 this song is for that for every gay kid out there who was ever made to feel bad or ashamed of things they can't change yea it's with you I stand we are equal to humanity we are never less than.

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